1 in 4 Say Their Home Will Outlast Their Relationship

For a growing number of couples, their home matters as much as the partner they bought it with — and sometimes more.

One in 4 people (26%) say their home is more likely than their partner to still be in their life in 10 years, and 1 in 5 (21%) say their home would be harder to walk away from than their relationship.

The home often wins on feelings, too. Nearly 1 in 5 (18%) feel more emotionally attached to their home than to their partner, and nearly 1 in 3 (29%) say their home gives them a greater sense of security than their partner does.

People feel deeply connected to their homes, but living with a partner is more likely to be a source of emotional strain:

• 74% say they cry over their partner more often than over their home.
• 56% say their partner has demanded more sacrifice from them than their home.
• 39% say their partner causes them more stress than their home does.

If forced to pick just one, 1 in 6 people (16%) would keep their home over their partner, a figure that climbs to 25% of millennials and 28% of unmarried couples.

Among those who would keep the home, the relationship is often already fraying: 71% have fantasized about living alone, compared with 16% of those who would keep their partner.

In addition, 45% of those who would keep their home over their partner think they would be better off with someone else, and 37% say they would have ended the relationship already if they did not own a home together.

Nearly 30% Say Nothing Has Strained Their Relationship More Than Buying a Home

When asked what has put the most strain on their relationship, many point to their home above careers, kids, and even money.

Nearly one-third (29%) say nothing has strained their relationship more than buying or owning a home, tying with health issues (29%) for the top spot. Among unmarried couples, that share climbs to 36%.

Across all respondents, home stress ranks above family and in-laws (20%), everyday finances (15%), job loss (14%), and having children (11%).

For some, the home has driven a wedge in their relationship: 1 in 14 (7%) say owning together has caused them to resent their partner, jumping to 26% of millennials.

For 17%, buying a home created new problems, exposed existing ones, or pushed the couple apart, a figure that more than doubles to 39% among unmarried couples.

How couples divide the work and the money can be its own source of friction, too. More than a third (37%) say they do most of the household work — including 43% of women versus 26% of men.

And often, the same person carries both responsibilities. More than half (55%) of those who pay all or most of the housing costs also say they do all or most of the household work.

1 in 3 Millennials Have Fantasized About Living Alone Since Buying a Home With Their Partner

Buying a home is supposed to signal commitment, but for some couples it has done the opposite, leaving them quietly picturing life on their own.

One-fourth (24%) have fantasized about living alone since buying a home with their partner, rising to 34% of millennials. One in 10 (10%) even say they would have ended their relationship already if they did not own a home together, including 27% of millennials.

Some are eyeing the exit in more concrete ways: 1 in 12 (8%) have considered selling their home specifically to ease the stress on their relationship, and 1 in 16 (6%) think they would have been better off renting. The ratio rises to about 1 in 4 of millennials (27% and 23%, respectively).

A small but striking share have even started looking elsewhere entirely. About 1 in 20 (5%) say the stress of owning a home together has pushed them to use or download a dating app, a number that leaps to 29% of millennials.

The quiet checking-out is far more common among men, who are more likely than women to report:

• A drop in intimacy since buying (14% versus 6%)
• Making a major home decision without telling their partner (13% versus 3%)
• Seeking therapy because of stress over owning a home together (9% versus 2%)
• Considering being unfaithful over home stress (8% versus 2%)

Two-Thirds Have No Plan for Their Home in a Breakup

For all the quiet score-keeping, most couples have no plan for their home if they split. Two-thirds (66%) have never discussed what would happen to the home, and only 7% have a written agreement.

Yet many have already privately decided how it should go. More than a third (36%) think they deserve to keep the house more than their partner if they split, a belief that rises to 46% of millennials and 47% of unmarried couples.

Couples who bought before marrying are, ironically, the most prepared. More than a third (35%) have discussed and agreed on a plan for the home in case of a breakup, versus just 17% of those who married first. In addition, 14% have a written agreement, versus just 5% of those who bought after marriage.

A small share have gone beyond just thinking about a split: 5% have contacted a lawyer, agent, or financial advisor about how to leave while co-owning, 5% have threatened to sell or take the home during a fight, and 5% have separated temporarily over home stress, with each scenario rising to about 1 in 4 millennials (26%, 23%, and 26%, respectively).

1 in 6 Say Owning a Home Together Has Made Their Relationship Feel More Like a Financial Partnership Than a Romance

For some couples, their home has gone from a shared dream to a bargaining chip, and the relationship now reads more like a contract.

About 1 in 6 respondents (17%) say owning a home together has made their relationship feel more like a financial partnership than a romance, climbing to 30% of millennials and 36% of unmarried couples.

For nearly 1 in 10, the home is not just reshaping the relationship — it is all that's holding it up. About 9% say their home is the only thing keeping them together right now, including 31% of millennials.

Another 1 in 12 (8%) believe their partner is staying mainly because the two of them share a home, a worry that jumps to 30% among millennials. Some go further still: 6% suspect their partner chose them solely for the financial benefits of sharing a home, rising to 21% of millennials.

Couples Who Spend More on Housing Are 40x More Likely to Say They Can't Afford to Go on Dates

Homeownership's strain on relationships tracks closely with what couples spend on housing, and as the share of income going toward the home climbs, nearly every measure of conflict climbs with it.

Housing eats up a wide range of couples' incomes:

• 1 in 3 spend less than 20%
• 1 in 4 spend 20% to 30%
• 1 in 5 spend 30% to 40%
• 1 in 5 spend over 40%, including 1 in 8 who spend more than 50%

How couples handle that money varies, too. Most pool it, with 44% paying from a joint account without tracking who pays what, while 14% split everything 50/50, and 11% split in proportion to income. Younger couples divide things more evenly, with 21% of millennials splitting costs proportionally, versus 9% of boomers.

The clearest pattern shows up in dating. The share who say they can't afford to go on dates climbs from just 1% of the lowest-spending couples to 43% of the highest.

The fallout reaches well beyond date night, though. Comparing couples who spend the least on housing (under 20% of income) with those who spend the most (over 60%), reports of relationship strain are consistently lower:

• 17% of the lowest spenders say they have sacrificed more for the home than their partner, versus 32% of the highest spenders.
• 7% of the lowest spenders say their mortgage will outlast their relationship, versus 26% of the highest spenders.
• 5% of the lowest spenders say they argue over their home-buying budget, versus 23% of the highest spenders.

The pressure even pushes people into buying a home before they are ready: 8% say the fear of being priced out rushed them into it, rising to 35% of millennials.

1 in 5 Have Hidden Home Spending From Their Partner

Sharing a mortgage does not always mean sharing the full financial picture.

More than 1 in 5 people (21%) have hidden home-related spending from their partner, rising to 44% of millennials and 40% of unmarried couples. About 1 in 12 (8%) have hidden a purchase of $1,000 or more.

The secrecy extends to major decisions and hidden accounts:

• 10% have financial accounts their partner does not know about, climbing to 30% of unmarried couples
• 9% have hidden a major financial decision, rising to 32% of millennials
• 7% have made a major home-related decision without telling their partner, rising to 33% of millennials

Sometimes, the home purchase itself is what brings the truth to light. More than 1 in 4 (27%) discovered financial information about their partner they did not know before buying.

The blind spots start early: 35% of all respondents were not very familiar with their partner's finances before buying. Even now, only 57% of unmarried couples say they are very familiar with them, compared with 83% of those who married first.

More Than Half Say a Habit of Their Partner Became More Annoying After Buying a Home

Homeownership has a way of magnifying small irritations, and the friction tends to show up in everyday habits rather than big money fights.

More than half (52%) say a habit or trait of their partner became more frustrating after buying, rising to 63% of millennials. The most common frustrations are a lack of cleanliness or organization (15%), different spending priorities (13%), and overspending (12%).

Unmarried couples are most likely to be frustrated by a partner who will not compromise (19%) or who shuts down during hard conversations (19%).

Those frustrations lead to arguments. Most couples (58%) argue about home responsibilities or expenses at least sometimes, and 1 in 6 (16%) argue at least once a month. Millennials clash far more often about their home, with only 19% saying they never argue, compared with 47% of boomers.

And when couples do fight about their home, it is rarely about money. The most common sources of conflict are clutter (37%), the thermostat (26%), and other everyday friction.

When an argument does occur, 26% say they are usually the one who gives in, compared with 8% who say their partner gives in, and 11% say they rarely resolve the conflict at all.

The friction shows up in concrete ways:

• 12% keep a mental tally of who has contributed more to the home, rising to 34% of millennials.
• 10% have slept in a separate room after a home-related argument, rising to 28% of millennials.
• 9% have brought up during a fight how much they have personally spent on the home, rising to 28% of millennials.

1 in 4 Who Have Regrets About Buying a Home With Their Partner Felt Remorse Within the First Week of Owning

Regret about buying a home with a partner does not always take years to set in. Among those with regrets, 1 in 4 (26%) felt them by closing day or within the first week of owning, a third (32%) within the first month, and 41% within six months.

Regret is common overall but far more common among younger buyers: 1 in 4 respondents (26%) have at least one regret about buying with their partner, rising to half of millennials (50%) and 45% of unmarried couples. And 1 in 8 (12%) would not buy with their partner again, climbing to 25% of millennials.

For some, the warning signs were there from the start. About 1 in 10 (9%) say their partner's behavior during the buying process revealed something concerning, rising to 30% of millennials, and 10% had doubts they never voiced to their partner, also 30% of millennials.

Owning together also surfaced deeper rifts. More than 1 in 5 (21%) say it revealed differences in priorities or values they had not noticed before, rising to 40% of unmarried couples. About 9% also say their relationship simply was not ready for homeownership, including 28% of unmarried couples.

25% Who Bought a Home Before Marriage Wish They'd Waited

For couples who buy before marrying, the home often comes with fewer legal protections than a marriage would provide.

Among those who bought before marrying or who remain unmarried:

• 25% wish they had waited to buy a home until marriage.
• 23% did not fully understand the legal risks of buying property with someone they were not married to.
• 16% say someone tried to talk them out of buying with a partner they were not married to.
• 9% say buying together actually made them less willing to marry their partner.

Even so, many treat the home purchase as the bigger vow. Nearly half of unmarried couples (45%) say buying a home together is a bigger commitment than marriage, compared with 22% of those who were already married when they bought. Yet only 60% have both names on the deed, compared with 93% of those who married first.

Respondents may have a point. A 30-year mortgage outlasts the typical U.S. marriage, which the Census Bureau puts at about 20 years.

Still, most couples did not rush in: 39% were together more than five years before buying, and 67% lived together first, though 14% bought within their first year as a couple.

71% Say Buying a Home Together Made Their Relationship Happier

For all the strain, buying a home together is a net positive for most couples. Most (71%) say it made them happier in their relationship, and 88% would do it again. Another third (32%) say it brought them closer, while 52% say it had little impact on the relationship.

The homeownership conflict is real, but it is concentrated among younger, unmarried, and financially stretched buyers.